The Stories We Tell Ourselves
We all have a little voice that defines who we are, whether it highlights our strengths or weaknesses or where we should belong. For a long time, I thought my mind was my best friend and that every thought that crossed my mind was the truth, but it was one of my worst enemies.
For most of my life, the narrative was filled with self-doubt and the fear of failure until I realized an author can change the narrative of their story. I was no author, but I had a vision of the life I wanted, and I knew the words to get me there.
In this post, I would like to share how I found the words that helped define who I am and find my sense of self.
Step 1: Recognizing the Negative Script
Instead of accepting every thought that crossed my mind, I analyzed each thought and realized that they were just thoughts, not facts. Some of these thoughts were:
- “I’ll never be a good enough writer.”
- “My words, no matter how big or small, are meaningless.”
- “Why should I even keep trying?”
- “I am right where I need to be; stop trying to be somewhere else.”
Journaling helped me realize my thoughts were not tangible and, therefore, meant nothing unless I gave them value.
Step 2: Flipping the Script
Instead of believing everything that crossed my mind, I questioned it. I would journal the thoughts currently in my mind and rewrite them to something more truthful and empowering.
Old entry: “I tend to lose interest in what I do.”
New Entry: “I have a lot of passions that I am interested in. Exploring new things helps me to find what I am passionate about.”
Old Entry: “I keep rewriting what I write.”
New Entry: “I’m constantly finding new words to express what I feel, and I want to express my emotions in the best way possible.”
It’s nothing major, and sometimes, it’s just one line out of an entire paragraph, but finding just one positive thing to focus on helps.
Step 3: Finding Strength in Writing
I started writing poetry when I was around nine years old. I didn’t understand what I was writing; I just knew the words sounded good together, and the feelings I had bottled up inside were lessening. Around the time I started writing about my feelings, my little brother died. I felt like no one understood me and my feelings. I was a child, and he was one of my best friends, and I felt like no one could understand the hurt I felt.
I’d write letters about the happier times, the reasons that made me cry, and the reasons that made me laugh. I would never feel whole after the fact, but I felt free. I felt like I could breathe another breath of fresh air and handle one more day. I found myself again through the words I thought no one could understand.
Step 4: Sharing My Words, Owning My Voice
I started sharing the poems I wrote with my classmates and teachers in primary school, what you could call middle school in the US. I owned the words I wrote and the feelings they encompassed. I stopped hiding the way I felt and shared the words that expressed what I was going through, hoping one person could understand… and someone did.
Hitting “publish” on a blog post or sharing a poem online still makes me nervous. No matter how far I run, there’s still that voice that says, “It’s not worth sharing; it’s not worth writing.” But what I learned is this: every time I share a piece of myself, I prove I deserve to be here. I prove that my voice matters.
Step 5: Living My New Narrative
To live my narrative, I have to choose to rewrite my mindset daily. It’s not one-and-done because every day is new, and new thoughts arise. I have to put in the work to ensure I am walking the path to ensure I live the life I want.
A few things I do to change my mindset are:
- I listen to TED talks that motivate me and make me think.
- I journal to see my growth and the different perspectives I’ve had over the years.
- I find affirmations that motivate me and highlight the mindset I want.
- I try not to focus on the negativity that crosses my mind but on how I can rewrite it to fit my vision.
It’s not perfect, as I am still finding new ways to create the story I want. Writing has given me the structure, but to get where I need to be, I have to put in the work physically and mentally.
This is how I view writing: writing is the structure, the wood/brickwork for the frame to stand, while my actions are the materials that help create the home. If the materials get damaged, the structure still stands, and I just need to find different materials to help close off the structure.
What’s Your Story?
If you are also struggling with seeing your worth, I encourage you to take some time and write the narrative that you want to be your own. Write out what you believe is holding you back, what is stopping you from accomplishing your dreams, and how you believe you are holding yourself back. Highlight it all, and then rewrite it to showcase the life you want. Write it out as if it were an affirmation, such as “I am a hardworking individual that will become a ____. I will achieve my goals and become the best version of me.”
You are the author of your life. I would love to hear how you have used writing to change your mindset or how you plan to use writing to change your mindset.
